critical reflectionUNIT 2
RE GROUNDING


Kemarin dan Hari-hari Sebelumnya... (Yesterday and the Days Before...) (2024)
colored pencil & natural dye on calico fabric
approx. 160x70 cm Before...)

read: Kemarin dan Hari-hari Sebelumnya (Yesterday and the Days Before) (2024)

Regrounding myself in my practice during the first unit renewed my focus on the tactile nature of texture and fabric, its spatial possibilities, and the role of natural light in shaping the viewer's experience. This period also surfaced potential connections to personal trauma. Although I initially considered making these connections more explicit, I was more inclined to keep them as a subtle, felt presence in the background rather than a dominant theme in my artwork.

My artwork's connection to space was less pronounced than desired. For the pop-up show in December, displaying it on the window of my studio right next to my workspace made me realize how perceiving my own artwork is dependent to the existence of a window. This made me to reflect to try creating more adaptable and versatile artworks.

Rather than expanding my artistic practice, I redirected my focus towards my technical foundations. I returned to my initial motivations in art making: drawing inspirations from my dreams and my subconscious. I experienced tension between expressing my personal emotions and showing it to the public. How personal can I be with my work? How distant can I be with my work and not risk feeling detached from it?

With the trials, explorations, and play I did with my added interest towards water-based mediums, I recognized a developing focus towards the idea of inbetweenness in my work, a subtle concept present earlier but significantly influenced by my experiences during my residency and through the creation of Alir-Alur and Seka-seka.

Reflecting on my practice

In the process of finding this developing focus, I had a moment where I distanced myself from my studio practice. The overwhelming abundance of critiques, feedback, and input from other people regarding my works as well as looking at other artists through museum and gallery visits led to a confusion and disconnect towards my own practice. I gave myself restrictive constrictions, while taking in what everyone had to say. I took things into the extreme on both ends. Navigating my artistic practice in this unit felt like standing in a complex crossroads. Rather than choosing a straightforward line between distinct paths. I would consider the obvious routes, but spend the same amount of time, if not more, to consider the small alleyways and underground passages that I may have overlooked. I’ve been overly concerned with the external evaluation of my work and how it would reflect back to me. This led to an overcomplication of my artistic process, adding too many ingredients to forcefully create depth, obscuring my art-making’s main purpose. 

sketching outside

I’ve been obsessed and fixated on making a good piece of artwork, forgetting that an artwork is the final product. The core of creating art lies in the doing process, the exploration of ideas and possibilities, as well as the daily experiences that shape my understanding.

I took a break and distanced myself from my studio practice and dedicated more time on my virtual residency with OCAD U (Toronto) and CGLAS (London). It gave me distance from my studio practice, yet still gave me a chance to be engaged through a different approach. With the return of longer and sunnier days, I also spent more time sketching outdoors which reminded me to just draw for the sake of drawing.

Transmission residency show in Toronto
Transmission residency show in London

Going outside to draw, participating in the residency, and (to an extent) receiving mental health advice were all beneficial in creating distance between myself and my studio practice. This distance allowed me for a more objective perspective and reflect on my worldview.

I have a tendency to view the world in binary terms; black and white, option A or option B with no inbetween. This either-or thinking is particularly evident when I am responding to struggles and challenges. When one approach fails, my immediate reaction is to abandon it and move on to the next available option. However, I recognize that this binary way of thinking is overly simplifying things. Not everything operates with such rigid boundaries. These thoughts and realization has led me to lean towards the concept of the inbetween more.

I first learned about the concept of two things existing as one through Estetika Paradoks (Aesthetical Paradox) (2010) by Jakob Sumardjo, where he talks about the concept of dualism within Indonesian tradition. Instead of seeing two different concepts as opposing each other, dualism identifies opposing aspects as complementary, giving meaning to each other.

A prevalent example in Indonesian tradition is the concept of ‘Lingga’ and ‘Yoni’ that exemplify masculine and feminine principles through their phallic and yonic patterns. These symbols are seen as complementary, not as opposing elements. When these individual symbols combine, they represent harmony, balance, and union.

Lingga and Yoni
Lingga-yoni (2013) - Arahmaiani
Acrylic and rice paper on canvas
160x139.7 cm


A similar idea about dualism was written by Paul Basu in his essay ‘The Inbetweeness of Things’ (2017). We habitually categorize the world in binary logic, ‘self’ and ‘other’, ‘animate’ and ‘inanimate’, ‘authentic’ and ‘inauthentic’. He argues that instead of defining something as one of the two extremes, one thing can exist as both at the same time. The idea of Inbetweenness offers hybridity. It acts as a relational space, a middle ground where the nuance and interplay between two concepts are combined instead of opposed. Inbetweenness allows things to be carried over from one context to another.

To me, I view inbetweenness as a fluctuating liminal space. It’s dynamic rather than rigid, constantly transforming. It helps describe the state that connects my inner thoughts, feelings, memories and fantasies towards the external physical space. It acts not as a barrier separating inside from outside, but as a window allowing inward and outward awareness. It is important for me to recognize the existence of both internal and external realities at the same time, avoiding complete immersion in one while neglecting the other.

But in reality, I still experience the internal tension. I still tend to approach things towards their extremes. Either complete reservation or complete unrestraint. There is still that struggle in balancing personal vulnerability with public presentation.

Around this time, I discovered Korean artist Do Hoh Suh, whose practice is inspired by his peripatetic life, migration, impermanence, and shifting identities. His works feature passageways and liminal spaces that highlight the transition and connection that exists within and between defined realities.

Hub, 3rd Floor, Union Wharf, 23 Wenlock Road, London N1 7ST (2016)
Corridor-3, Wielandstr. 18, 12159 Berlin, Germany (2016)
Hub, 310 Union Wharf, 23 Wenlock Road, London N1 7ST, UK, (2015)


Quoted from the curatorial text from his solo show ‘Passage/s’ (2017) in Victoria Miro Gallery, London:


“I see life as a passageway, with no fixed beginning or destination. We tend to focus on the destination all the time and forget about the in-between spaces. But without these mundane spaces that nobody really pays attention to, these grey areas, one cannot get from point a to point b.”


Rather than focusing on finding solutions to my struggles and creating art after finding those answers, I’ve realized that it would be more beneficial to myself to explore the journey through my practice itself.  I came to understand that the process of artmaking is a journey, not to present an answer to my questions. A finished artwork wouldn’t provide an answer or a final solution, but instead opens up further questions; highlighting the cyclical nature of artistic creation.

This led me to my subsequent question: How would I be able to convey inbetweenness in my practice?

Body of water and  the inbetween

Still with the thought of versatility in my artwork, I shifted my focus back towards technical foundations rather than just exhibition methods. Returning to focus on my subconscious again for inspiration, I started to think about how I’m able to represent the transition and connection between these inner worlds and waking life.

explorations with BW 35mm camera

I initially explored the idea of the body of water as a medium of inbetween.  I was informed by my virtual residency where we started discussing about the idea of ‘distance’ between Toronto and London and its separation through the Atlantic Ocean. I started seeing the characteristic of water as both a boundary and a connector. It is fluid and reflective, constantly in motion yet perfectly capable of stillness.

exploration using water-based medium


Inbetweenness as tension in space

As Unit 2 straddles towards Unit 3 and the summer show approaches, I want to further develop this concept. My continued explorations and reading have led me to perceive “inbetweenness” more than as a state of being, but also as a form of tension; a dynamic interplay between my internal and external.
 

I naturally gravitated back towards the idea of windows again, as a metaphor for a boundary as well as a connector between my internal and external. Previously, I integrated physical windows into my artwork to utilize how the light changes throughout the day to highlight different ways and contexts in which my artwork can be perceived. I have since shifted my view towards windows not just as a media that can change perception, but also as a divider and connector of the outside and the inside. Utilizing the media of windows as a way to look inwards, and a way to look outwards of one’s self.

trials on metalwork


I chose to construct my own windows because of the intimacy involved in relieving the reliance of a space’s own windows to activate my artwork. Furthermore, it highlights the tension and opposing elements. I have been exploring on intertwining the toughness of metal against the softness and translucency of calico.

Read: Trials for UNIT 3 Summer show

Conclusion

Unit 2 was mostly full of tests, experiments, and setbacks. It became a period where I reflected on my art practice as well as my artistry. I was overly focused on developing a ‘good’ final product, losing sight of the central importance of engaging and developing my art practice. I had aimed to present definitive and rigid answers through my artwork, forgetting that an artwork is supposed to be the outcome from doing my artistic process.

Research is fluid and rarely a straightforward linear process. It often requires taking a few steps back and even distancing yourself from it to gain a different perspective. Failures and setbacks are bound to happen. It can be an opportunity to consider alternative approaches rather than abandoning the work entirely.

Moving forward, I aim to explore further on the tensions of the media I am now utilizing in my practice. I want to strengthen my foundational knowledge of calico fabrics further as well as developing my newfound interest in metalwork.


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Basu, P. (2017) The inbetweenness of things: Materializing Mediation and Movement between Worlds. Bloomsbury Publishing.

Do Ho Suh: Passage/s (2017). https://www.victoria-miro.com/exhibitions/501/.

Lingga-yoni (2013). https://emuseum.cornell.edu/objects/47641/linggayoni?ctx=76a343e214df03eeafe71f1aa71df8925a6b2c89&idx=9379.

Sumardjo, J., 2010. Estetika Paradoks (Edisi Revisi). Bandung: Sunan Ambu Press STSI Bandung.

Wamad, S. (2017) 'Artefak Lingga dan Yoni, Simbol Kejantanan dan Kesuburan,' Detiknews, 11 November. https://news.detik.com/berita-jawa-barat/d-3722804/artefak-linggadan-yoni-simbol-kejantanan-dan-kesuburan.












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