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colored pencil on calico cloth.
approx. 60x40 cm (2)
colored pencil on watercolor paper
8x8 cm (11)
In my original research proposal, I wrote that I intended to (was interested in) conduct an exploration of dreams; my subconscious as a way to get to know myself combined with my interest in tactile. I wanted to explore the subject of ‘vulnerability’. During my first tutorial, Sarah helped me realize that there is a bigger theme to be discovered, that involves both the idea of ‘getting to know myself’ and my interest in tactile.
- She made me realize that I have a sensitive world view, internally and externally.
- My interest in exploring vulnerability came from stress and anxiety (haha) I develope from things that happened to me in the past, the good and the bad.
That led me to the question: How am I able to convey these?
I started exploring and taking Inspiration from the things around me. That’s when I started to notice the stairs I take everyday to the studio, the stairs in Wilson road. Previously a Grammar school, the Wilson road building was founded in 1882. I noticed the built-up dent on the stairs as a result of its use over the years. Specific spots on the stairs that show the desire path that people before me have taken throughout the years.
That’s when I realize that the stairs in Wilson Road holds memory. The memory of all the people who had stepped on it. Rather than seeing the dents on the stairs as damage or degradation over time, it seemed like that the stairs have been loved and used very well. Subsequently, I noticed that a subjective sentimental view or value could change what is otherwise seen as damage into a representation of memory.
I started relating the stairs with myself; how we (person/human) in the present is the cumulative result of things we are dealt with throughout our lives. I am a vessel who is the product of which holds memory and trauma.
Sukie (from Academic support) helped me realize that vulnerability and intimacy is an extension of trauma. She gave me a perspective towards trauma and seeing it not just as a memory, but also an imprint left by certain experiences on the mind, brain, and the body. This imprint has ongoing consequences for how a person manages to survive the present. Trauma teaches the individual to respond to certain situations depending on how they have survived it in the past.
This finding lead me to my research question: What medium is best to subjectively hold my memory?
I am interested in reintroducing calico into my works, as I’ve used them for my previously. One of the worries I had with drawing on top of calico is my concern of “How will it be retained and not fade?”
details for Duvet (2024)
- Hesse’s life events shaped her view in life. She fled Nazi Germany, her parents seperating which ultimately led to her mother’s suicide, going through divorce of her own, and later diagnosed with a brain tumor.
- The effect’s of her life events and how it shaped her views and outlook are discussed in her interview with Cindy Nemser:
‘...Life doesn’t last; art doesn’t last’.
photo: (1) Courtesy Frances Mulhall Achilles Library, Whitney Museum of American Art, New York, (2) Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum, New York Gift, Family of Eva Hesse (3) Midge Wattles and Ariel Ione Williams.
Sharing the same perishable media, where pigments from a pencil is able to fade from the calico. Trauma made an imprint on me. The feeling stays, but the memories of it and what actually happen fade. My understanding about fading memories is emboldened during my
We had a discussion when we saw William Blake’ s works. He works mostly with watercolors and pencils. The colors and lines of his works have faded and had been restored a few times by the time of our visit where of course it wouldn’t be able to mimic how it initially looked 200 years ago.
I found it interesting that as a viewer, how I would be viewing the work then compared to the people who viewed it a few days, weeks, years, even centuries before me and how people in the future will be seeing William Blake’s works in different stages, quality of decay and repair.
Seeing and reading about both William Blake and Eva Hesse made me reflect that things will change overtime, and how that is truly the nature of things around us. Things change overtime and will keep on changing, an uninterruptable cycle that we may have affect of but ultimately unable to halt or stop. Change is intrinsic to the evolutionary process, and evolution is a continual process that will keep on going throughout life itself.
Trauma will change the person overtime, and its meaning to the person will also change over the course of their life. Trauma fades, yet if allowed, it can lead to a long journey of self-discovery and re-discovery within itself.
This leads to my next research question:
How am I able to show transformation in my artwork, where it won’t always be the same?
Quoting from Emma Dexter’s Essay on Vitamin D: New Perspective in Drawing: as a media in the contemporary context, drawing is associated with a lot of human experiences: intimacy, informality, authenticity, immediacy, subjectivity, history, memory, and narrative. I believe that these understanding about contemporary drawing is the reason why I subjectively believe that this is the best meda to help represent my research.
I’ve only started to explore distress and saying the word ‘trauma’ out loud is still difficult for me. For my future research, there are a few things I would like to explore further:
- My inevitability of facing trauma itself
- How my subjective memories are able to be contextualized by the public in relation with space and the expanded medium.
- More ways to treat the fabric and the use of medium on fabric
Reference:
https://brooklynrail.org/2022/09/artseen/Eva-Hesse-Expanded-Expansion/
Dexter, E. (2005). Vitamin D: New perspectives in drawing. London: Phaidon.
Nixon, M. (Ed.). (2002). 1 Eva Hesse. MIT Press.
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2015). The body keeps the score: Mind, brain, and body in the transformation of trauma. Penguin Books.
Eva Hesse | Expanded Expansion | The Guggenheim Museums and Foundation. https://www.guggenheim.org/artwork/1648.
Historic England. CAMBERWELL COLLEGE OF ARTS AND GATE PIERS AT ENTRANCE, non Civil Parish - 1386051 | Historic England. https://historicengland.org.uk/listing/the-list/list-entry/1386051?section=official-list-entry.
Tate. William Blake – display at Tate Britain | Tate. https://www.tate.org.uk/visit/tate-britain/display/historic-early-modern-british-art/william-blake.
Payne, C. (2022) Eva Hesse: Expanded Expansion | The Brooklyn Rail. https://brooklynrail.org/2022/09/artseen/Eva-Hesse-Expanded-Expansion/.